The Complete Internal Monologue Of The One Ring
by nekohebi
Summary: Exactly what the title says. Rather weird and (I'm told) funny. Please R&R. Ch2 now in existance.
1. Default Chapter

OK, I have no idea why I went and wrote this, but I did. And now I'm posting it. There will probably be four chapters, but that may all change.

HELP: All my summaries/titles suck. If you can think of any better titles/summaries for any of my stories then please tell me.

Oh, yeah, REVIEW THIS, DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Many years ago, before I was forged, some rings where made. Three for the elves, seven for the dwarves and nine for the mortal men (doomed to die). But the Great Forger forged another - me!!! I was the Great Ring of Power, the One Ring. Still am, in fact.

Then darkness invaded Middle Earth. Lots of people fought a lot of other people and a lot of these people died.

A final big battle took place. Bigger than all the others. In it, the final alliance of elves and men (they all look the same to me), the Great Forger had the hand on which I was chopped off by this bloke. He crumbled to ashes in front of my Ringly personage (I'd say eyes, but I kinda don't have any).

The bloke who killed the Great Forger nicked off with me and used me often to become invisible. But one day when he was swimming in a river, I slipped off to go to this party, and he was kinda killed. My existence seems to revolve around death. It's a most inconvenient habit living creatures seem to have developed.

I hung around on the bottom of the river, making many friends with the fishes, rocks and electric eels until some hobbit picked me up.

He then proceeded to fall out with another hobbit who then killed him. And nicked off with me. People just keep nicking me!!!

So he dragged me around and used my wondrous powers to eavesdrop!!! The cheek! Eventually, he fell out with some other hobbits and took me to a dark cave. He then stayed there, talking to himself and me in dreadful English. I was quite appalled. Also, I never knew that hobbits went senile so quickly.

After he'd reduced himself to a creepy *THING*, I ran off with some other hobbit who just wandered into this cave. It's amazing how hobbits get around.

Anyway, he used me to steal all this really exquisite treasure from this old dragon. Honestly, do these young mortals have no respect for their elders and, therefore, betters?

All kinds of tedious things happened that really aren't worth going into, but basically this hobbit (Bilbo Badass or something) returned to his home, the Shire (this really pointless place were hobbits live).

And I stayed there, in his pocket (of all the disrespectful places to put me!) being used occasionally for really menial matters.

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So, what do you think?

Weird, I know.

Please Review!

I like Reviews!

They make me happy!

You want to make me happy, right?!

You don't want to upset me………


	2. The Fellowship Of The Ring

Right, here's the Ring's internal monologue for fotr.  
  
Hope you like. Is longer then previous chapter (but still pretty short, still - quality not quantity).  
  
Thanks to all who reviewed previous chapter. Please review this one too.  
  
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I had been stuck in this bleeding hobbit's pocket for years. Here I am, the One Ring, and I've spent decades in the smelly pocket of some hobbit.  
  
He then had a birthday, using me to aid in his disappearing act before going off to some place, leaving me with some descendant of his. This descendant then kept me in an envelope for a while, before being persuaded by some wizard in serious need of a new wardrobe, that I needed to be destroyed. Was most annoyed.  
  
So off we went. Me and three other random hobbits. The wizard had already gone off to do something wizardly, i.e., nothing. One good thing about being a ring is that while other beings must walk, I am carried. So I was carried past a large amount of countryside. Most of it was rather green. Personally, I've always preferred the black type, but hobbits never have had any taste.  
  
After what felt like eternity, the hobbits picked up a human male and they walked some more. Various servants of the Great Forger attacked them, but failed. Servants aren't nearly as useful as they used to be. Gee, I feel awfully old saying that.... Anyway, there was a bit of a fuss when my Bearer nearly died, but some elven bint (who turned out to be romantically involved with the human male) on a horse came and saved him. The whole bunch then stayed in a place that would have been quite nice, were it not over-populated by elves.  
  
My Bearer recovered and some really, really boring council was held about me (mainly how to destroy me, I mean, must they discuss it INFRONT of me?).Yet I didn't get a say. Harumpf. Was must annoyed (again). They decided (again) to destroy me by throwing me into Mount Doom. Do they not appreciate my feelings or right to exist? During this council, some dwarf had the cheek to try and destroy me with his axe. As if such a weapon could harm my divinely ringonage. It stung a bit, though.  
  
My Bearer plus accompanying three hobbits, two well-stubbled men, one extremely hairy dwarf (the one who'd previously tried to cause me grievous ringonage harm by axe), one nancing blond elf and the wizard with no fashion-sense left on their quest to destroy me (taking me with them, obviously). They walked a lot. Then they went to a very cold place. I was very cold, wet and miserable. They then decided to go through these dark tunnels instead. But then creepy things attacked them and they misplaced the wizard. They seemed to be rather upset by this and some of them (mainly the hobbits) leaked water from their eyes. I'm not quite sure why, but I doubt I'll ever truly understand the reasoning of brief mortals.  
  
Next stop was in a wood which was also over-populated by elves. There was this blond female one who said a lot of boring stuff. Then we left, by BOAT!!!  
  
Then they stopped on some land and argued a bit. One of the bestubbled men tried to kill my Bearer, who ran away, picking up one of the other hobbits on the way (I can never tell them apart...).  
  
The man who'd tried to kill my Bearer then died and the remaining two hobbits were then captured by big creepy things.  
  
Meanwhile, I sailed off with my Bearer and accompanying hobbit over the water. I sung a nice song called 'May It Be' to myself.  
  
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Now review.  
  
Please.  
  
:) 


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